


Smile (one more time)

by IrinyaClockworker



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Photographs, Snapshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21542926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrinyaClockworker/pseuds/IrinyaClockworker
Summary: Killua hates getting his picture taken. At first.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 74





	Smile (one more time)

Killua hates getting his picture taken.

"Killua, _dear,_ hold still!" He tries, but he can't help but fidget a little bit as his mother tries to position him properly. "There. One hand on Kalluto's shoulder--there you go, dear--and stay _right_ there. Illumi!"

"Yes?" The voice comes from behind Killua, and he freezes in place. Kalluto looks back and up at him questioningly, but he just smiles as best as he can and gestures for them to turn back around. No point in anyone else getting in trouble.

"Stand behind Kill, would you?" He can feel his shoulders tensing with his brother's approach. _Stop it._ "And... put your hands on his shoulders. Yes. Just like that!"

Illumi's hands are too close to Killua's throat. They're too close to him at all. Killua's frozen in place, already preparing to fight for his life if he has to, knowing he'd lose if it did come down to that. He wants to pull away, to push back, but he's expected to stay still and silent and obedient like always. And he does. It'll be over with faster that way.

"Smile, Kill," Illumi whispers, and Killua flinches before hurriedly pasting a rictus grin on his face. Yeah. He can smile. He hopes it looks convincing enough.

The camera flashes, and then Illumi's hands are tightening like a vise as their mother hurries over. "Kill, you have to _smile!_ I know you love your brothers. Try to _look_ like you do, just for a little bit?"

So he tries again, and again. And it still doesn't work. Something is always wrong--it's never quite bright enough, he closed his eyes a little too much, he's showing too many teeth, he's not showing _enough_ teeth, and on and on it goes until it feels like Illumi's hands are imprinted on his skin. 

_One more time,_ he hears, what feels like a thousand more times.

The last time, he thinks of Alluka. He wishes she were here getting her picture taken with the rest of them, but not this time. She's shut up down below again, all alone. But if he were down there, he'd have no trouble at all smiling. They'd hug each other and then he'd take her somewhere far, far away, where she wouldn't have to be locked up anymore, and he wouldn't have to see Illumi anymore.

"That's _beautiful,_ Killua," his mother croons, and he realizes Illumi's taken a step back, and _she_ is in front of him, holding out the camera for him to look at.

In the picture, he has a soft, genuine smile on his face. He's the only one in the picture who does. Kalluto is staring straight ahead and looks almost scared, Milluki looks annoyed, and Illumi... Illumi...

Killua locks himself in his bedroom for the rest of the day.

The first time Leorio tries to take a picture of them all, it's before the last phase of the Hunter Exam. Killua goes along with it unwillingly. Illumi isn't in sight, but he keeps half expecting his big brother to show up again. It's all normal at first, but right before the camera flash, Leorio pulls them all in and knocks Killua off his feet, and the forced smile disappears. _Shit!_

Sure enough, in the photo, only two of them are smiling, and Killua sighs to himself, getting back into position. But the others are already moving on.

"A-Are we not taking it again?" The words come out before he really thinks them through, and he winces, realizing what he's just doomed himself to. Again.

"Why would we?" Gon sounds far too confused for it to make any sense.

"Well, I mean... I didn't smile. And--he didn't either!" He points at Kurapika. "So it's a bad picture!"

"Do you want to take it again?" _Huh?_ What kind of question is _that?_ But Leorio doesn't seem to be pulling his leg, so Killua risks being honest.

"...No."

"Then we won't."

_"Huh?!_ Hey, wait up!"

(Why is he so relieved?)

The second time Leorio tries to take a picture of them all, it's after they've left Killua's home, and he feels really happy for the first time in a long time. He's allowed to leave. He's _allowed._ Illumi's not going to come back again. And if he does, Killua can take him. 

Everything feels... okay, just for a little.

So when Gon grabs his arm, and the camera flashes, Killua has no trouble at all smiling on the first try.

When he and Alluka and Gon stand together in front of the World Tree, he feels like he's flying. Gon is safe. Alluka is free. Illumi is gone. He's here with the two people he loves most in the world, and they're both beaming, Gon laughing as the wind blows Alluka's hair into his face.

This time, when the camera flashes, Killua doesn't even have to try to smile. It's already there, and he's not sure it's going to leave any time soon.

(Maybe getting his picture taken isn't so bad after all.)


End file.
